33 “No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light. 34 Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness. 35 See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. 36 Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be just as full of light as when a lamp shines its light on you.”

Luke 11: 33-36

Is luke warm. The worst state out of all.

I can't get over the fact that God loves me. It's weird. I sometimes feel that I don't even deserve this kind of love but yet, without this love, this mercy, I won't be able to survive this world. I've been replaying the song "How He Loves" and it touches my heart every time. Even though I can see God, I know He's there and because of this faith that I have, I am able to continue life hoping that in the end, I will finally be sitting with Him at the dinner table with everyone else. How wonderful will that be. But why do I keep this faith? My dad asked me that. Why do I believe in something that might not even exist? And for some reason, I couldn't answer, but I just felt this love. This love that no one ever gave me before and the only one who did was God. However, I have one-sided wars with God. I get frustrated at Him and I wish life would just come to me much more easily. I sometimes don't want to wait and I get so caught up in the moment, but when it's all gone, I look back and I question why I even had those emotions. I began to feel guilty because in the end, nothing bad will ever happen to me; God will always provide.

In the end, my life would be useless without God. And for those who don't know Him yet I urge you to find Him and He will accept you with open arms.

So I decided to get myself Baptized and I have to right a testimony.

I don't want to. It's so hard.

I feel like I'm trying to make myself seem like I can try to inspire people. I feel disgusting. I don't know how to write one that makes me feel like something so great happened and it inspires people. Like I went to the most hardest struggles in my life or something. I don't even know how to explain this. This is ridiculous. Why can't I write a normal testimony, one that is truly for God and not myself?

I think I'm doing things too fast. I think I'm on my high right now. I feel like untamed fire that will slowly and eventually die out. I don't want that to happen. Am I too Christian? I am even ready to get Baptized?

Long time no see everyone.

I should be doing my AP Lit homework, but I don't really know what to write. So I went on Facebook and stalked a few people. So Facebook is a word now because if i write facebook with a lower case f, there's the red line under it and I right click it and the first choice is Facebook with a upper case f.

So how have you been lately?
Sometimes this conversation starter works; sometimes it doesn't. I've been good. Thanks for asking. I'm very God filled right now. All I can think about is God and doing my job to glorify Him. However, in a way, I don't know how. Just like I don't know how to answer the questions on the Literary Questions. I'm so stressed out with school that I just want to have a time of solitude. Talking to God, learning about His word. However, I think about my schedule and I get worried. What if I won't have time for Him? I don't want to stray away from Him; it's a horrible feeling. I feel lost, sad, hopeless. Without Him, my life is pointless. You get the point? He is the way, the truth, and the life. I get sick of the world that was created. Sometimes I wish I could just go to heaven right now; rid myself from all this misery. But I have things to accomplish here in this world. Not things like getting a job and becoming successful. Things like bringing my family to know God, creating deeper relationships with people just like I do with God. Bringing my friends to God. It's hard; I've witnessed it with a friend. Boy was he stubborn. His ideas were flawed. I wasn't ready. I forgot to ask God to give me strength and to speak through me. I dislike the fact of expecting things because they usually never happen anymore. It's always unexpected. This week is just too much for me. I want to rest.
And then I forget that there are others who has it worse.

What I regret the most is losing friends that I've met. I hope that changes. God I pray.